Food blog, food puns
Now, this is going to be a heavily biased, over simplified overview of the mindblowingly complicated catastrophe that was the 2008 crash. But, my research is pretty sound- and my sources of information are pretty solid. That said, this is a humor blog that mixes different things that tickle my fancy together in order to poke fun at food blogs. You want source citations? Tough. Do a Google search like I did if you don't believe me.
So, in this first part, we're going to start with the core problem that lead intelligent people in power to make very stupid decisions. That problem happens to be my very favorite ideological punching bag- Ayn Rand.
Ugh! I want to throw things at her face!
For those of you who hang out with me all the time, feel free to skip this posting. You've heard me trash this woman ever since I first read her horrific magnum opus Atlas Shrugged 9 years ago. For those of you who are uninitiated to my ire, and enjoy reading someone rant obnoxiously about ideology, go ahead and strap yourselves in and prepare yourselves for the verbal tirade. And as a reward, I'll teach you how to properly cook rice noodles and make a tasty sauce out of peanut butter! Yay! Food blogs!
Right. Why do I hate Ayn Rand, and how is she at the heart of the financial crisis? It alls centers around her love affair of unfettered capitalism. As a child, she grew up in Soviet Russia. It was such a terrible experience that she decided to believe the exact opposite of Communism (which, Americans, is different than Socialism. But that's for a different blog. I might save that rant for an apple pie recipe.). Her belief was that government had no place in the markets, and that there shouldn't be ANY regulations. None. If a company wants to put lead in the paint of your children's toys- don't worry about it, because eventually someone will find out (when kids start to get lead poisoning), and people will stop buying those toys! See! The market sorts itself out! What's a few dead kids as long as we're making oodles of moneeeeeey (see above quote with her stupid face on it)!
Momo just can't even DEAL
with Ayn Rand right now.
Ayn Rand also believed that wealth exists in a vacuum. She believed that the wealthy were wealthy because they had the goods and knowledge to get them there, and everyone else was a leech on society. You might see the occasional bumper sticker that says "Going Galt" or "Who is John Galt"- those are referencing her book Atlas Shrugged, where all the wealthy manufacturers destroy their companies and go live on an island free of poor people- otherwise known as laborers and consumers. Think about that for a second. Her ideal situation is for industry to move to a place where NO ONE CAN MAKE OR BUY THEIR STUFF. Rand, and the people who follow her lack the fundamental understanding of how an economy works.
Who would be foolish enough to think any of this is a good idea? Well, a lot of people, unfortunately. But, one in particular stands out. Ever heard of a guy named Alan Greenspan? For those of you who know who that is, this should send a shock through your system. For those of you too young, or don't care about how the country works, Alan Greenspan was in charge of the government's central banking system. In other words, he was in charge of regulating Wall Street. *insert ominous music here*
Okay, enough of that. I will pick up on how Alan Greenspan and his Randian buddies helped to destroy the economy in my next blog. Now, on to the food!
Spicy Peanut Noodles
Ingredients:
Package of rice noodles
broccoli
cauliflower
green onion
purple cabbage
coconut oil -2 tbsp
sesame oil- 2 tbsp
cayenne pepper to taste
garlic powder to taste
optional: chicken or pork
For the sauce:
Peanut butter 3/4 cup
rice vinegar 1/4 cup
reduced sodium soysauce 1/2 cup
garlic chili sauce 2 tbsp
sriracha to taste
garlic 3-4 cloves
brown sugar 4-5 tbsp
fresh grated ginger- 1 tbsp
Okay, I need to be upfront with you guys. I totally guesstimated the measurements. I have no idea how much I actually use for this recipe. I just intuitively dump stuff in a blender and HUZZAH! Delicious sauce! So experiment and constantly taste. The peanut butter notes should come out first, followed by the soy, vinegar, and a bit of spice.
And those are your instructions for how to make the sauce. Take all the ingredients and throw it into a blender, and puree it for at least 1 solid minute. It should be smooth and thick, with a caramel color.
Also, be sure to constantly check to see if your peanut butter is still good, like this:
My GOD that's good
After your sauce is ready, put that aside (keep at room temp) and cut up your veggies. Actually, it doesn't really matter what order you do this in. You can start cooking your veggies before the sauce if that's what makes you happy. The point is to have your veggies, meat- if you go that route- and sauce ready before you cook the noodles. I will say, that with this particular dish, I don't add meat to it. Not because that wouldn't be good- it'd be delicious- but the peanut butter sauce is really filling on its own with protein and heart healthy fats. Plus, meat is expensive.
Put a skillet on medium heat and throw in your coconut oil. When it's hot enough, add your veggies and spices. After they've slightly browned, add a little bit of water to steam them through. When they are cooked all the way through take them off the stove and put them in a bowl and either get a new skillet, or clean off that skillet to prepare it for stir-frying the noodles.
Okay, on to the noodles. For my pictures, I used vermicelli rice noodles- but any noodle will do. Japanese soba noodles are another of my favorites, in case you were curious.
Vermicelli rice noodles are really easy to make as long as you keep an eye on them. What I do is I boil water in my tea kettle, and pour it over the noodles in large bowl. Stir for a few minutes, constantly checking the softness. These noodles are really thin and can over cook easily, so be alert. When they're where you want them, drain the hot water and submerge the noodles in an ice water bath to stop the cooking.
Beautiful
Once your noodles are cooked, put them in a bowl for a moment and put your skillet on medium heat and add the sesame oil. Once it's hot enough, add your noodles and toss them in the oil for a few minutes until they are warm, then add your veggies:
Turn the heat to medium low and add your sauce- notice how thick that looks? Kind of like cake batter? That's good. You want that.
Allow the flavors to combine for a few minutes and suddenly, you have deliousness on your hands!
I like to add some purple cabbage and fresh green onion on top for color. Detracts from the poop brown look of the noodles.
Food of the Asian gods.
Thus concludes part one of a 3 or so part series (I don't actually know how long this is going to be- the derivatives market is really hard to explain) that seek to educate on the economy as well as reenforce the idea of how amazing peanut butter is. Stay tuned for part 2!
Thank you for reading and supporting me, everyone!
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